Free Will: Desperate Housewives' Tales

By Lynn Tan

The term, "Desperate Housewives" creates the impression of housewives who are desperate for sex and scandals. Are these really what they are desperate for? For some, probably yes. The impression comes about when you are perceived as doing "nothing" and are feeling bored at home. In addition, your multiple roles of mother, wife, lover, tutor, counsellor, financier, cook, driver, homemaker, caretaker, do not seem to count as a measure of your worth by the fact that your work output is not tabulated in the gross national output. Other stereotypical images of housewives are that you are unsophisticated, old-fashioned and the only work you are probably good at are cleaning, cooking, gossiping and for having sex. How do these misguided perceptions influence and affect your self-esteem?

Are you assessed and labeled based on what you own, how much you earn or what you are as a person. I am often asked "Do you work?" or "What do you do?" whenever I meet other people. Indirectly, this is a quick way of summing up your worth and placing your position in society. If you are not highly paid, then you are automatically relegated to the bottom of society. Your success is often judged by your possession of materialistic symbols of success: large houses, good paying jobs or having lots of money.

With neither power nor status attached to my work, can I then become successful? Since my work is unpaid, is it correct to deem me as worthless? Worth has been wrongly tied to a person, when they are actually two separate matters. Your success should not just depend on what work you do or how much you earn. However, with the constant bombardment of messages of superficial material success, you are conditioned to believe that you are unworthy in a materialistic society of ours. We have been looking "out" for success when we should be looking "in". It is easy to fall victim and be pigeon-holed to live the life as expected by and determined by others. You have been programmed and tend to fit in the ebb and flow of your position in society.

To unleash my own potential, I had to tear off the layers of toxic labels from years of conditioning to free myself from the limiting labels placed on me. It takes constant reprogramming to rise above these constricting stereotypical labels. Monetary success is only a part of the bigger picture of success. Success also encompasses mental and emotional well-being, relationship with others and other intrinsic values and character of a person amongst many others. Achieving a happy state of mental and emotional well-being is a big SUCCESS. Now, I define success based on my own terms. I do not have to fit in the narrow interpretation of success as created and set by others. Only when I take control of my own life, will I then be liberated from the stigma of society, to flourish in my own way.

From a state of desperation, I have transformed myself to a state of inspiration by constantly replacing limiting negative thoughts with positive energizing thoughts. I cannot change the world, so I change my mind to change my world. A paradigm shift in mindset leads me to the path of a happier state of mind.

Many mistakenly believe that when you are successful, then only will you be happy. The truth of the matter is that when you are happy, only then are you truly successful. To me, being happy is the epitome of a successful life. This is the priceless gem of success.

Lynn Tan is the author and publisher of http://www.desperate-asian-housewives.com She is a mother, wife, and an entrepreneur and has just formed a company focusing on e-business. With a paradigm shift in mindset, she has unleashed her potential to all possibilities of achieving a successful, happy and balanced work-life.

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